Wedding Anniversary Quotes

funny wedding anniversary quotes

Funny Wedding Anniversary Quotes

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -- Rita Rudner

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back. -- Henny Youngman

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. -- Henny Youngman

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. -- Woody Allen

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really_ attractive. -- Bruce Friedman

She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. -- Oscar Levant

Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind. -- James Graham

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Funny Anniversary Quotes

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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. -- Johnny Carson

Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall. -- David Chambless

Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers"

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. -- Shirley MacLaine

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. -- Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. -- Groucho MarxSpouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Woody Allen

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. -- Jackie Mason

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. -- Anthony Burgess

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. -- David Bissonette

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Yet more wedding anniversary quotes

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced. -- Helen Rowland

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. -- Helen Rowland

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. George Bernard Shaw

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. -- Mae West
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Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree. -- Oscar Wilde

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. -- Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. -- Oscar Wilde

Who, being loved, is poor? -- Oscar Wilde

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. -- Chekhov

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. -- Cher

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. -- Jim Backus

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. -- Ray Bandy

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There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. -- Homer, Odyssey, ninth century B.C.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. -- Katharine Hepburn

We can do not great things - only small things with great love. -- Mother Theresa

Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener. -- Pauline Thomason

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her. -- Benjamin Tillett

The first duty of love is to listen. -- Paul Tillich

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -- Lana Turner

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. -- Katharine Hepburn

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -- Stephen Leacock

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me. -- Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning, April 1, 1838

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We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. -- Tom Robbins

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. -- Will Rogers

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. -- Helen Rowland

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. -- Helen Rowland

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Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence. -- King Vidor, in the 1928 film, The Crawl

Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway. -- Judith Viorst

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. -- Judith Viorst

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. -- Judith Viorst

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? -- Rita Rudner

Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little

wedding anniversary quotes

It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, "Even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then." -- Lyle Lovett, musician, upon marying actress Julia Roberts, 1994

We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to comfort us along the way. -- Marlin Finch Lupus

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. -- Ogden Nash

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Lots more Anniversary Quotes yet to come

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No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. -- Cesare Pavese

Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few. -- George Jean Nathan

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. -- Nanette Newman,

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage -- Martin Luther

Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. -- Oliver Herford

There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomachs. -- Barbara Howar

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. -- Edgar Watson Howe

wedding anniversary quotes

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. -- Lynn Lavner

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. -- Elbert Hubbard

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Another batch of Wedding Anniversary Quotes

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When you're away, I'm restless, lonelyWretched, bored, dejected; onlyhere's the rub, my darling dear,I feel the same when you are here. -- Samuel Hoffenstein

The love we give away is the only love we keep. -- Elbert Hubbard

A compliment is like a kiss through a veil. -- Victor Hugo

We love because it's the only true adventure. -- Nikki Giovanni

There is nothing so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an afternoon. -- Giraudoux

We look forward to the time when the power to love will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace. -- William Gladstone

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. -- Sidney Goff

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Wedding Anniversary Quotes

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It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for that little tiny jar. -- Jane Goodsell

If I were a girl, I'd despair. The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them. -- Robert Graves

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. -- Lewis Grizzard

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Sacha Guitry

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. -- Bette Davis

wedding anniversary quotes

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. -- Lord Dewar

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being. -- Benjamin Disraeli

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. -- Ken Dodd

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. -- Isadora Duncan

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Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. -- G. K. Chesterton

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. -- G. K. Chesterton

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie

In a novel, the hero can lay ten girls and marry a virgin for the finish. In a movie, that is not allowed. The villain can lay anybody he wants, have as much fun and as he wants cheating, stealing, getting rich, and whipping servants. But you have to shoot him in the end. -- Herman Mankiewicz

Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other. -- W. Somerset Maugham

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. -- W. Somerset Maugham

In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others. -- André Maurois

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran

Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. -- Phyllis McGinley

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. -- Margaret Mead

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. -- H. L. Mencken

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them. -- H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another. -- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. -- H. L. Mencken

Man is a natural polygamist. He always has one woman leading him by the nose and another hanging on to his coattails. -- H. L. Mencken

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they die earlier. -- H. L. Mencken

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H. L. Mencken

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Wedding Anniversary Quotes

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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage, they are giving evidence at an inquest. -- H. L. Mencken

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. -- Dr. Karl Menninger

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. -- Moliere

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -- Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. -- Michel de Montaigne

Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age. -- Jeanne Moreau

If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. -- Lisa Moriyama

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life. -- Christopher Morley

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius. -- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries. -- Iris Murdoch

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I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. -- Noel Coward

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. -- Joan Crawford

Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words. -- Fr. Jerome Cummings

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile. -- Lynda Barry

A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. -- Baudelaire

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. -- Ambrose Bierce

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. -- Countess of Blessington

Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner. -- Amy Bloom

A survey found that ten percent of those questioned thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.... -- Robert Boynton

If ever two were one, then surely we.If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. -- Anne Bradstreet

For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. -- Robert Briffault

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Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender. -- Mary Buckley

Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave, and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you, there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me. To see reality--not as we expect it to be but as it is--is to see that unless we live for each other and in and through each other, we do not really live very satisfactorily; that there can really be life only where there really is, in just this sense, love. -- Frederick Buechner, The Magnificent Defeat

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac

Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed. -- Hoshang N. Akhtar

It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it. -- François de La Rouchefoucauld

There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations. -- François de La Rouchefoucauld

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. -- Madame de Rieux

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

The course of true love never did run smooth. -- William Shakespeare

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. -- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act i. Sc. 1.

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Wedding Anniversary Quotes

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Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts. -- William Shakespeare, King Henry the Sixth

It is most unwise for people in love to marry. -- George Bernard Shaw

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. -- George Bernard Shaw

Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married. -- George Bernard Shaw

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal consistency of the women who love me. -- George Bernard Shaw

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. -- George Bernard Shaw

Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person that loves you enough chance to love you enough. -- Dinah Shore

Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence. -- Sydney Smith

One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. -- Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894

By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. -- Socrates

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. -- Sophocles

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Wedding Anniversary Quotes

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I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget. -- Adela Rogers St. John

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -- Gloria Steinem

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. -- Gloria Steinem

A beauty is a woman you notice; A charmer is one who notices you. -- Adlai Stevenson

Like a prune, you are not getting any better looking, but you are getting sweeter. -- N. D. Stice

Love is stronger than justice. -- Sting

Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. -- Billy Sunday

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. -- Karen Sunde

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