Hilarious Birthday Poems

Happy Hilarious Birthday Poems is the web page that brings you funny material which is suitable for sending to a friend on the occasion of his/her birthday










At your age it's hard to be devil-may-care
What with those pleats in your derriere
And it aint easy surrendering to sin
While trying to hold your stomach in

So, on your (70th) birthday, here's a poem
To make you smile...smile mark you, not grin
Cos you don't want to go to the bother
Of putting your teeth back in

A husband's note to his 64 year old wife said
"You don't excite me, but I still love you, dear
I'm spending this evening at the Premier Inn
With my 32 year old assistant, Maria
I know you'll understand that a man of my age
Needs to relive his youth, by getting flirty
But, loyally, I'll return tonight
Expect me about 12.30"

When the man came home that night
He found on the dining room table
A note headed My dear husband
It was from his dear wife Mabel

"As a math teacher, I'm very good with figures
I'm 64, but you, my dear, are 68
I, too, have an assignation this evening
And I, too, will be home somewhat late
When I say somewhat late, I mean very late
There's a simple explanation
A 16 year old student needs extra curricular help
I'm teaching him multiplication
Mathematically, 68 can't go fully into 32
As you will have found to your sorrow
Whereas, you know how many times 16 goes into 64
So I'll see you sometime tomorrow"

Hope it made you smile
Have a really happy birthday

Jon Bratton 2011
based on a joke by someone else unknown and the first four lines are adapted from the fine work of Judith Viorst

Hilarious Birthday Poems

**

“He that is not handsome at 20, nor strong at 30, nor rich at 40, nor wise at 50, will never be handsome, strong, rich or wise.”
George Herbert said that unkindly
But the bastard didn't say it in a birthday card to his aesthetically, financially and academically challenged friend.
Have as happy a birthday as you can manage, under the circumstances, old buddy

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